Anthony Robbins teaches that we can never feel totally fulfilled unless we commit to contribution. He talks about a wide range of ways in which we can contribute to society and he defines contribution as “selfless giving”.
I have to admit that this is something that I struggle with on a number of levels.
Firstly, I struggle to understand the difference between our need to contribute and our need to feel significant. I cannot see how we can have a sense of significance if not through contribution. It is (to me) by contributing, by giving, donating, helping, mentoring, suggesting, inspiring…that we become significant, that we make a difference. We cannot make a difference without engaging, without giving, without contributing and surely we cannot feel significant unless we feel we are making a difference.
Then, more controversially, I am not convinced that there is such a thing as totally selfless giving.
Assuming we’re not doing it for more direct reward in terms of tax breaks or free P.R. exposure, whatever we do when we give of our time, our talent, our connections, our money or other resources, we do because it feels like the right thing to do. There is a pay-back. Arguably the more it costs us in the short term, the bigger the payback, the better we get to feel about ourselves.
The payback might be as small as smile, or a thank you. It might be the knowledge that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, a fight to make a massive change in the world in a cause that we hold dear (the climate, animals, human rights, world peace, free childhood….or whatever it may be). It might just be seeing our tiny corner of the world looking a little cleaner. Litter picking is also contribution. It might be the knowledge that we have more than most and that whatever we give is better than giving nothing at all.
AR says that we cannot feel fulfilled unless we give selflessly. To me that sense of fulfilment is exactly why the giving isn’t selfless. We contribute to society because we can, but also because it is crucial to our own sense of fulfilment. In giving, we get back.
But here’s a thing. I don’t care. I know a lot of people, particularly rich and famous people, have been derided in the media for doing things for the wrong reasons. I don’t care. If someone does something and that something increases the love in the world, or alleviates the poverty, or gets one homeless person off the street even for just a few days, or comforts someone in distress, or feeds a hungry child, or gets us closer to eradicating a deadly disease…if it does just the tiniest bit to make the world a better place, you know what? Frankly I don’t give a damn why they do it. I am just glad that they do.
And here’s the next thing. I don’t care how little you do. If you do something, it is better than nothing. Too many of us don’t do what we can because we think the little that we as individuals can do will have no impact. Really? If you’re still believing that then I have two words for you: Greta Thunberg. Or let me give you another two: Malala Yousafzai. Or how about Mother Theresa. There are many individuals who have made a difference. As it happens, you all know these names and yet none of these three remarkable women have yet actually changed the world. They have all changed little corners of it though. They have all made a difference to some people.
To me, that is what contribution is really about: making a difference to someone. One person or the whole world is just a matter or scale. Whether it’s because it makes you feel good or it enhances your brand or your god tells you must do this isn’t relevant. I put money in the Sally Ann tins at Christmas even though I have fundamental objections to a lot of what they teach and how they require their children to live…but the money in the tin helps the homeless and helpless. Why they’re doing that work is irrelevant, what matters is that they are doing it.
And frankly: it is NEVER TOO LITTLE and it is NEVER TOO LATE.
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are (Teddy Roosevelt)
So…we all have a reason to contribute. It makes us feel good, it makes us part of something bigger than our self, it grows out of our sense of justice and fair play the giving of our surplus (time, energy, money) to those who have less. And when we’re not contributing, or not contributing as much as we maybe feel we should be, then our self-esteem starts to erode.
That is simple cause and effect, but I fear that the effect sometimes arises without the cause. We can be down on ourselves for ‘not getting involved’ ‘not contributing’ ‘not doing enough’. This is not helpful. I believe we give freely (which isn’t the same as selflessly) when we don’t think too much about it. We give to the person rattling the bucket, all that small change that adds up. Trust me…if people chucking in their small coins wasn’t worthwhile, there wouldn’t still be people on street corners with buckets. Maybe not a good idea to call the small change ‘shrapnel’ though when the bucket being waved is for Help For Heroes and the hero concerned is visibly wounded. Sorry mate!
The problem many of us have is that we don’t realise that we are already contributing, already doing what we can, with what we have, where we are. Maybe we can do a bit more, maybe we can’t. But before we start ‘should-ing’ on ourselves, it is worth looking at the contributions we already make, not least because maybe that is where, if we feel the need to do ‘more’, it is easiest for us to do more. Giving does not have to be painful to be valuable.
That’s another thing that really winds me up. A billionaire gives a couple of million to a good cause – and people are up in arms because it’s “small change” to that person. Well, maybe so, but we don’t know how much of the rest of their wealth is doing other socially responsible things, like running businesses that keep people in jobs, like small scale donations under the radar, like helping members of their own family or community and even if it isn’t…that “small change” is still going to have a blooming bigger impact than it would if it wasn’t donated. Can I just say to some of the big guys: thank you!
Back our real world of much-less-than-millions of dollars, doing what we can doesn’t have to mean giving until it hurts. It means looking at where we do good and looking if we can stretch that a bit. It means looking at where we would like to do good and figuring out how we can.
If our normal day-to-day business is on hold or down-played because of the social distancing rules, what can we do with the time that is freed up that will back up the way our business would normally be part of our contribution. Can we do things on line? Can we re-purpose our premises or production or fleet? Or maybe we can spend the time just sharing our knowledge and experience to help others get through? Or preparing to manage the transition back into what we used to think of as the normal world.
If the charities we support as a matter of course are struggling because their normal fund-raisers are not happening or because their raison d’être is needed more than ever, can we throw a little extra into their bucket?
If all we have are words and a keyboard, can we maybe use them for focussing on good things rather than spreading fear and anger. There’ll be time enough for anger later. Now is not the time. Anger has its place as a motivator for change, but timing is everything, Now really is not the time to be telling people to be ashamed or embarrassed (as one commentator did on TV a few weeks ago), now is the time to be helping, constructively, contributively.
Way back in the 1670s John Milton wrote “They also serve who only stand and wait.” So if all you did during the pandemic was to stay home, that too was contribution. If ‘all’ you do is raise your children to be polite, intelligent, curious people, that too is contribution. If ‘all’ you do is to post pretty pictures and inspiring quotes (as opposed to ranting fearful angry polemics) on social media, that too is contribution. If all you do is husband your anger against a time when it can be better more effectively deployed in changing the world for the better, that too is contribution.
What we can, where we are, with what we have.
And
It is never too little, and it is never too late.
These are my mantras when it comes to doing my little bit in my little corner of the world. What are yours?
