As it’s Valentine’s day I was going to talk about romance, but I’m not. Instead I’m going to talk about soul mates. Full disclosure, this is an update of something I first published just over a decade ago. My view hasn’t changed much in all that time. I’m going to start with a few questions. So let me ask you:
Have you been told that you are some-one's soul mate?
Now let me ask you whether you’ve ever questioned the default setting in those questions? Namely: why do the questions default to the singular? Soul-mate. Only ever in the plural when referring to the mated couple. Are we only allowed the one?
Assuming that you accept the religion-defined notion of a ‘soul’ as something personal to you, be it in this existence only or something which transmigrates from body to body over time as your higher being seeks enlightenment, nirvana, or some other escape from the endless round, then accepting that you have only One Singular Soul Mate really narrows your chances for experiencing deep lasting joy in this life (or indeed any other).
If you take the first view, one life only, you have at present a 1 in 7,845,600 chance of finding your soul mate.
If you take the transmigratory route it becomes even more forbidding as there is no guarantee that your one and only is even alive at the same time that you are, or if they are that they are of compatible age, or even of the same species.
I don't know about you, but I'd find this deeply depressing.
The reason I’m not depressed by it, is that I know it’s not true.
I know the joy of being able to look into some-one's eyes and know exactly what they are thinking, how they are feeling.
I know the comfort of inexplicable communication over distance – the reality of some-one calling at the very moment I need them to do so – or silently asking me to look in their direction so that they can convey a visual message.
I know the humour of spending my life with someone who is my complete opposite in so many ways, but who will frequently pass a comment at the very moment I do in word-for-word synchronicity – or who will answer the question I'm just about to ask.
I know what it is like to lie close and breathe their breath and not speak and just "know".
I know that shock of first contact, when a smile isn’t just a smile, when it’s a touch, when it is telling you “I recognise you”. And I know how my whole being smiles in response.
I know how it is to sit in silence with someone and feel their energy merging with mine in the moment. And I know that a moment and forever are the same thing.
I know the power of a connection, the thought of whose breaking fills me with a fear so tangible, that the physical response is beyond control.
Just as I know the comfort of that connection, when I remember that it cannot be broken.
I'm familiar with the abrupt interruption to a conversation because a piece of music in the background or a sudden view of the sky or the land has stunned us both into mid-sentence silence.
I have lived with being trusted to the ends of the earth and beyond…to go my own way in the knowledge that I will return home.
I know that 'home' is not a place and freedom is a measure of love.
I have been held, when holding was all that any human being could do to help.
Just as I've known when to touch, when a touch was the only boon available. There is a another kind of smile which says: I know I can't help, but I am here. There is a touch that reaches through to the core and lets you know that you are held, safe, in the moment, which is also forever.
The people who have given me these gifts are my soul mates.
Yes: "people", "are"…plural.
I have more than one, and so do you.
Somewhere along the line the controllers and fear-mongers have sought to teach us that we have only one soul mate, an exact pairing, and we would be fortunate in the extreme if we found them and we would be irredeemably devastated should we lose them. But that is not how soul space works.
Soul mates are the people whose view of existence resonates with our own. They are the individuals with whom we discover a connection that is beyond words. They may become a lover, in the conventional sense of the word, or they may remain a friend, a teacher. They may become one and move on to become another. Or back again. Or they might simply be there, doing what they do.
The earthly relationship may change, but even as it does so, the connection only deepens.
Once you find a soul mate, they cannot leave you – not least because, well, why would they want to? Why would you want to leave a soul mate? It makes no sense. This is a two-way thing, the connection is balanced, by definition. In soul space, connections can only exist in balance, in flow, in giving and receiving.
In the everyday realm, time and distance may separate you. Conventions, commitments or other loves may dictate how you interact. That doesn’t matter because the soul level connection is too strong to break. If you move apart, you will flow back together, when the time is right.
Soul mates, once found, recognised, reached, then they are there – always – not just when you need them, but irrespective, just your hands remain attached as you sleep and the moon waxes and wanes whether you look skywards or not.
There is no question that they will help you, or you them. So many things are a given. You see the world the same way, so you simply know how they feel, and why. And they you.
In this context it might be surprising that you will not agree on every viewpoint. You won’t. After all, where would be the fun in that? But it goes deeper: the thing is that you are destined to grow and learn together, which can only happen if you have points of divergence, things to encounter, discuss, disagree about, things to push around & dig into your individual beliefs about, things to excavate, defend, counter, ponder, be open to change about.
Soul mates enter our life not only to love and support us, but also to teach us, to challenge us, to help us grow…and we are in their life for the exact same purpose.
Think about that for a minute. How much do you have to learn? How much do you have to share and teach? Is that all really going to be satisfied by the however-deep connection with only one other soul?
Of course it isn’t.
If such things as soul mates exist – and of course you are fully entitled to believe that they don’t – then it makes no sense for each of us only to have one. The “one and only” is inefficient, it is too big a risk, nature has had millennia in which to refine her process.
There is not one special person waiting for you out there, there are thousands of them. Each of them has something to share with you, and none of them intrude upon any of the others – just as what you give to one has no impact on how much you have to give to another. Soul space is infinite.
To be fair, you will not find them all, not in this lifetime, but with a little trust, a lot of curiosity and a willingness to listen to what you hear, believe what you see, accept the touch that is kindly offered you will find at least one or two, maybe many more.
Think about that big number at the beginning of this little piece – and shift your mindset to allow for a ridiculous proportion of them (you choose a number) being potential soul mates. Then fire up your curiosity, load up your sense of humour, allow for the knocks along the way, and go see.
Your chances of finding a soul mate are huge if you venture out into the world with an open mind and an open heart.
