"When you don’t know where to start, start with gratitude"
I can’t remember where I first read that quote, but I keep coming back to it. Whenever I get lost in my journalling, I re-start with gratitude, simple lists of things in the moment that I can be grateful for, lists of things (and people) that I actually am grateful for.
Although I often call it a blessings-count, it is more than just noticing how abundant my life is, how fortunate I am, it is about taking the time, just a few seconds or a good long thinking time, to actually BE grateful.
I also try to end with gratitude…to end each day with three things I am grateful for. I often forget. Or get too tired. But when I remember, I write them down. Sometimes I am in a really thankful mood and will write longer lists. I write them on scrappy slips of coloured paper. I fold the slips of paper small and put them into a box. I am even grateful for the box. It once encased a Christmas present of bath bubbles. Years ago. It is a magical box. A twist-open box. It gives me pleasure.
Then once a year, as a present to myself, I open the box. Tip all those bits of paper on the dining table and read them. It can take a while.
I have spoken of this before, and I make no apology for repeating myself. One of my deepest lessons on my soul journey is that gratitude is the foundation stone of my spiritual practice. Of all the many things I do: journalling, nature connection, tai chi, swimming, beach-combing, meditation, poetry, esoteric studies…none of them would have any bearing without my gratitude practice.
Grace. Gratitude. It is the simple conscious awareness and awe of the miracle of the world and being alive in it, in this body, this life, at this time.
Just picking up a pen at the end of the day to list three simple things for which I am grateful connects me to myself, and to the world. And reading them back at the end of a year is not only a joy, but also a learning, a remembering, and sometimes a wondering.
I might wonder what it is I actually wrote. There are times when I literally cannot decipher my handwriting. There are times when I finally work out what it says and have to laugh at what I thought it said at first glance. It should not be possible to mistake the word “traditions” for “Chinese”, but somehow with my wayward scrawl, I did.
I might wonder why I wrote it. There was one day in the last year when I was specifically grateful for toothpaste. It wasn’t part of a longer list of simple everyday things. It was just that one word: toothpaste. I could rationalise it today, give you any number of reasons why I am actually grateful for toothpaste, but why I was so specific on that particular unknown day in the last twelve months, I cannot for the life of me remember.
There are other things I don’t remember, exactly. One slip said, “Extricating myself from a commitment I should never have made.” I sat with that one for a while, glad that I had done so, but uncertain as to what it referred to. As I opened other slips, I came across reminders of a number of things that were deliberate and conscious parts of my life but which during the course of the year, I came to realise needed to be released. A number of commitments to which the gratefulness for having let go could be applied. Who knows? Maybe it was about something else entirely.
Naturally there are also many things that I remember precisely. I know when and where and why they were written, the truly precious moments of a life. Sunsets, beaches, swims, walks, nature, street-art, shared meals, films. Travels and homecomings. Conversations. Gifts – given and received.
Many things get repeated. Sleep seems to figure prominently these days, perhaps because it comes less easily than it once did, perhaps because I am now lucky enough to sleep as early or late as I choose and that’s a privilege I’m still deeply attached to.
People. I am grateful to the people in my life. For being who they are, for being here, and for the very small things that they do.
This is where traditionally I would say “you know who you are” but maybe you don’t? Maybe you do not know that I am so appreciative that you are here in my life, just generally, but then also over
and above for very specific things. I am breaking with traditions all over the place at the moment, so here’s another one. Let me publicly share some (and only some) of the people who showed up for me this year, and (only) some of the simple things they did. I should probably add that they may have done other, bigger things, for which anyone would be grateful. The point of practicing gratitude is to go beyond the obvious, into the normal, ordinary, often overlooked, beauties of a life lived in community.
People who turned up in my magic box this year (in no particular order) included…
- book-Sue, who keeps in touch with me all the time, puts up with my moans and trusts me with hers – an email from her is something I often note as gratefully received
- poet-Sue – for her humour and her inspiration, and the work she puts in that helps writer-me
- Eileen – for the fairy tale we’re writing together
- Jason – for wisdom, and teaching, and sometimes calling just to make sure I’m ok
- Jonathan W. – for inspiration, feedback and reminding me of my own earth connections
- Tony – for coming to a concert with me
- Bruce – for being The Boss and being in the UK
- El – for making me smile, inspiring me, and reminding me of my purpose
- Jonathan D – for wishing me luck when I walked away
- Sam and Mal – for The Garden Room, for laughter, for friendship, for silliness
- Craig – for the good times
- Claire – for all she has taken on
- Carole – for inviting me to lunches, and for all the things we laugh about when we’re supposed to be swimming, and for the subtlety of her boots up the whatsit.
- Mike – for his unfailing ability to make me talk when I don’t want to
- Mam & Dad – for the childhood I had
- Aunty Sylv – for all she did for us as kids, and for how much she loved my Mam
- Kate – for an unexpectedly joyful afternoon
- Annie – who is quietly wise and always makes me smile
- Ian – who taught me about bees
- Julia – who reconnected parts of our dispersed family
- Gordon & Linda – who shared stories
- Lynda – for the ease of a 40-year friendship
- Tracy – for being who she is and the things that teaches me about who I am
- Helen – for a random lunch
- Jack – for getting in touch after decades of our lives having gone their own ways
- Colin – for remembering that I celebrate the solstice
- Linda PH – for the writing shed
- Fiona – for asking me to co-host
- Chris – for an unexpected hug – and always for good humour
- Tina – for a book she knew I would love
This is not a complete list – either of people, or of the things for which these and other people warrant my thanks. It’s merely a sample sharing – an illustration of the things which have significance that we often don’t accord them. The practice of gratitude – however you choose to do it – accords these things their due. It says: this mattered to me. It may not have cost you much, or anything, but it was valuable to me.
The practice of gratitude, if done in a way that allows you to revisit things you were thankful for, even if you can't remember why, redoubles the joy of receiving. It allows us to revel in abundance all over again…and surely that’s a good thing.
